Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
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i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
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A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
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