A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
