you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...