Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..