I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.