He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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