Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
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I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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