I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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