Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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