Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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