What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
