I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
i think im in europe. pls send help
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
