My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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