summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
the day after is always just damage control
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
