Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
