Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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