do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
