I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize