i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
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Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
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at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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