He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
she smelled like a LAN party
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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