the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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