My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
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Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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