I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
