i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
