So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
