Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
