I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
