Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
