i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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