Me. At least after what I've been through.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
