Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
