did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
