got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
