Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
