so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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