batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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