It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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