OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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