I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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