I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
