if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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