Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize