dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
These tits shall not be calmed
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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