i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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