I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
