Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
