real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
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It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
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I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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