no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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