I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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