I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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