So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
