Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
