He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
