thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I am midnight drunk by noon
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
