what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
