I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
