I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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