Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
