ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We need to rekindle our bromance
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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