im drinking this country out of the recession.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Come on in and take your pants off
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
