perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My vagina just clenched in fear
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