Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
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I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
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Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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