I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
