I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
