I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
