ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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