no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
