he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
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Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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