I wanna passion pit in your ass
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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