I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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