my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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